Posted by: Jane Valencia | May 23, 2010

Another Where Am I?

Crash, crash, bang, bang — ouch, that was my thumb!

I’ve been pretty quiet on my blogs.  But lots of hammering, and tussling, and designing has been going on.  Let me just say that I’m going to have a couple of things to announce at the end of the week.

In a way, I find myself exasperated (though happy).  I’ve mentioned in other posts how crazy I feel sometimes with the many things I love to do, and can’t figure out how to do them all in forms that make sense to me (and anyone else?), and then I went and created even more websites and blogs …!  How was I ever going to tend to all these creations?

What’s happened is that I’ve surrendered–finally–to my nature.  And in the process a few insights have dropped like gold nuggets into my hand, and I just understand how to move forward.  Finally.  On many fronts.

It’s like the entire village in me has finally stopped fussing and nay-saying and offering suggestions and criticisms (which did indeed need to be evaluated!), and they’ve unexpectedly reached consensus.  A hush fills my mind, and all the parts of me are looking at each other, shrugging and saying silently — okay, let’s just get on with it.

More exists to the story than that.  Or maybe not.  Maybe my story is just a simple one really of just trying to find the right form, the most authentic expression, the most rooted, strong, resiliant place from which to step.  Maybe we just have to tussle with our demons and have endless meetings with our clever selves, and scribble ideas and revise them, and then discover that we’re writing down the same things again and again.

Maybe at some place we (hopefully) all realize we’re doing that, writing down the same things over and over, and then something shifts, or we shift, just step into another place in the room–or maybe out the front door and into the open air.  We just breathe and know things from a different place of knowing.  A shake of our shoulders and we know it’s time to set thinking — of that kind — aside and start doing what we knew all along we were going to do.

The feel is different though.  And maybe we really couldn’t have done it back then.  Certainly not in this way.

We finally believe in our lives.  In the particular sweep or flourish of our story.

Anyway, it’s time to have fun.

Are you in a place where you can have fun?   Is there a place you’ve been spinning in your life, that has felt stuck, stuck, stuck?  Maybe it’s time.  Maybe there’s a way open right now, to just stepping out that door and doing/being what you knew all along you are meant to do and be.

What pops into your mind as you read those words?  Quick, catch that thought, no matter how bemusing and strange or absurd it may seem!  Cup it in your hands and take a good, kind look at it.  What do you see?  What do you feel?  What do you know?

I do invite your musings, your observations.  I invite … You.  Please scriven boldly below!

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Responses

  1. I’d wondered where you were, Jane, and am glad for the privilege of reading some of your thoughts again—-since I’m always able to relate and connect, which is such a good feeling.

    I’m reminded of our propensity—as women—to live and re-live the cycles of the moon, the cycles of our bodies, of how we must regularly retreat into darkness to gain strength to glow again (and sometimes to play at being the “lunatic”!). :-)

    • Chris, thank you as always for your insights! Yes, it’s good (and a relief ;-) ) to remember that we women do live in cycles — of the moon, our bodies — and that we have a relationship with the ‘dark’ that nurtures us in profound ways. We cycle in our lives, and like Persephone, bring forth the gifts from our hidden nature (our queen self, yes?) to help restore spring ….

      Lisa! Lovely to see you here. And yes, yes, yes, I do feel that I’ve figured out my story–my map of it anyway, since some details still elude me :-). I’m exasperated at how much my second-guessing myself over the years has ‘held me back’ — but of course there are always lessons to be learned in those times of driving ’round and ’round the same block, or getting lost in one’s own neighborhood. So many adventures to be had in the wandering, so many new things to discover in the process that are really very essential to finding rest and contentment and forward-motion excitement right where you are. So much fun to live from the inside-out, so to speak :-).

  2. “We finally believe in our lives. In the particular sweep or flourish of our story.”

    This is definitely one of the mightiest sentences you’ve ever penned!! And one that brings such joy to me thinking about you all.

    It such a different thing than to say “we’re at peace with our life” which suggests an externally applied layer that finally feels like it fits. It seems that you are saying (scientifically) that you’ve fully articulated the paradigm in which you exist, (mythically) that you have written the story within which your daily details occur, and (culturally) that you know what you want to be when you grow up and are happy to realize that you’ve been headed down the right road the whole time.

    How truly lovely a thing – to be afloat on the sweep and flourish of the miracle you were born to be. I await your announcements with bated breath, your friend, Lisa


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